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God’s Unlisted Address Gets Lawsuit Against Him Tossed Out

Posted on October 15th, 2008 by William.
Categories: You can't make this up..

CLICK HERE for original story.

I’m speechless on this one, but it should be the basis of some fine debates.
LINCOLN, Neb. - A judge has thrown out a Nebraska legislator’s lawsuit against God, saying the Almighty wasn’t properly served, because of his unlisted home address. State Sen. Ernie Chambers filed the lawsuit last year seeking a permanent injunction against God.

He said God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents in Omaha, inspired fear and caused “widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants.”

Chambers has said he filed the lawsuit to make the point that everyone should have access to the courts regardless of whether they are rich or poor.

On Tuesday, however, Douglas County District Court Judge Marlon Polk ruled that under state law a plaintiff must have access to the defendant for a lawsuit to move forward.

“Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant this action will be dismissed with prejudice,” Polk wrote.

Hole in the judge’s ruling?
Chambers, who graduated from law school but never took the bar exam, thinks he’s found a hole in the judge’s ruling.

“The court itself acknowledges the existence of God,” Chambers said Wednesday. “A consequence of that acknowledgment is a recognition of God’s omniscience.”

Therefore, Chambers said, “Since God knows everything, God has notice of this lawsuit.”

Chambers has 30 days to decide whether to appeal. He said he hasn’t decided yet.

Chambers, who has served a record 38 years in the Nebraska Legislature, is not returning next year because of term limits. He skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians.

1 comment.

Heart Attack Grill

Posted on September 19th, 2008 by William.
Categories: You can't make this up., Food.

There’s a place called Heart Attack Grill that is doing quite a bit to live up to it’s name. I’m willing to bet that they would be willing to add even more bacon to any of their creations.

Here’s their SITE

I love the warning at the bottom of the homepage stating that the ‘nurses’ aren’t really nurses. Classic.

I feel a road trip coming on.

0 comments.

Heroin Hooked Elephant Completes Rehab

Posted on September 5th, 2008 by William.
Categories: You can't make this up..

For the original Reuters page, click HERE

BEIJING (Reuters) - A once drug-addled elephant fed heroin-laced bananas by illegal traders will soon return to the wild after being weaned off his addiction through methadone and round-the-clock care.“Big Brother”, a bull elephant that once “lived peacefully” with his herd near the China-Myanmar border in Yunnan province, was caught by traders in 2005, the China Daily said on Thursday.

“To control it so that it could lead the herd to where they wanted, the traders kept feeding it bananas laced with drugs,” the paper said.

The traders, however, were caught trying to sell Big Brother and his herd after a tip-off to forest police.

By that time Big Brother had developed a raging heroin addiction and posed a danger to people if denied its fix, the paper said, citing police.

A drooling and twitching Big Brother had to be transported to a special park in the neighbouring island province of Hainan for treatment, after cold turkey proved so tortuous at a local centre that “even its iron chain could not contain it”, the paper said.

After being diagnosed a heroin addict, park authorities in Hainan spent a year gradually weaning “Big Brother” off its dependence through methadone, regular bathing and massage.

Now clean, Big Brother will soon be returned home, the paper said.

0 comments.

Rainbows Are A Result Of Enviromental Turmoil…Wait! What?

Posted on August 26th, 2008 by William.
Categories: You can't make this up..

Insane Rainbow Conspiracy Lady - Watch more free videos

Yep, all that cutting of the school budgets is really starting to pay off.

In classic Internet fashion, there’s always a good rebuttal spoof:

Conspiracy In Rainbows - Watch more free videos

2 comments.

May The Best Candidate Win!

Posted on August 25th, 2008 by William.
Categories: General, You can't make this up..

I’m tired of the lobbyist for the RIAA and MPAA controlling arrogant fools like Biden, and now I’d llike to step in the ring and show them all what real character is.

2 comments.

Best of Craigslist - Ferocious Attack Kitten

Posted on August 19th, 2008 by William.
Categories: General, Humor, You can't make this up..

Here’s another classic from The Best of Craigslist:

Ferocious Attack Kitten
Ferocious attack kitten is available for adoption to any home willing to accept him.

This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Well-trained since 10-weeks of age to attack anything in his presence, he will protect your family from evil things, including the following:

* insects

* other trained attack kittens

* babies

* toilet paper

* anything under a blanket

* unwanted house guests
* paper bags

* floor rugs

* Chuck Norris

* Feet.

Great with children (assuming you don’t like the children). Probably best used for professional catfighting. He is housebroken, but only because he wants to be. This attack cat has trained himself to seek out his food anywhere you hide it and rip the bag open to feed himself, great for those who travel extensively. Also trained to drink water out of toilet bowls and dishwater from items in the sink. Knows how to open some doors. He will find you wherever you hide.

Neutered (trust me, you wont want to him to procreate). Has not been declawed, but you’ll figure that out really fast.

Understands and responds to a variety of vulgar and profane verbal commands. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear - however he will bite your face if you try to touch it.

Willing to accept trades. Potential adopters must have experience with trained attack-kittens… please be prepared to show scars.

For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house.

0 comments.

Best of Craigslist - To The Minotaur That Lives Above Me

Posted on August 16th, 2008 by William.
Categories: General, Humor, You can't make this up..

For the Best of Craigslist, click HERE

There is a rare delight is searching through Craigslist.org for intresting, items off the beaten path and just plain odd goodies. In case you’d like to just go to the stand out entries, go to The Best of Craigslist. Here’s an outstanding example:

To the Minotaur that lives above me.

First off, I must say that I admire your courage. It must be hard living in the world today as a lady-beast. Society judges, oh lord do they ever.

With that said, let’s get down to business. Over the past year, we’ve had a funny sort of relationship, you and I. When I first moved into the place, it was rather peaceful. It was an exciting time in my life, as it was the first time I would be living by myself. Then came the day that I first heard it. What did I hear you ask? It was sound of your hooves galloping across the hardwood floors of your living room. At the time I thought, “No big deal, surely it can’t always be like this.” Oh was I wrong. It turned out that every time I was at home, you would be up there, stomping around, like the wild lady-beast that you are.

After a few weeks, I determined through a process of elimination, that you are in fact, a Minotaur. It only makes sense.

FACT. Minotaurs have hooves, and that’s sure as hell what it sounds like is hitting the floor when you gallop around.

FACT. A Minotaur posses great strength, the kind of strength that can be felt by a guy laying on his couch, trying to get into a good book. The kind of strength that shakes the dishes in his cupboards. The kind of strength that can wake a guy out of a dead sleep, EVERY FRICKIN MORNING. I didn’t even need to set an alarm clock to wake up in the morning. Instead I wake up to THUMP THUMP THUMP. THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP. THUMP THUMP THUMP. I’m not a light sleeper by any means; I sleep right through the viscously loud police, fire truck, and ambulance sirens every night. I was lying there one morning, frustrated, counting the trips you took between your bedroom and your bathroom. 17. 17 god forsaken trips between the bedroom and the bathroom. Really? Are you kidding me? What could you possibly be doing?

FACT. Minotaurs are half bull. Bulls are aggressive when taunted. Apparently, the time I went upstairs, politely introduced myself, and asked you rather nicely to please quit stomping around, was a taunt. That’s when you got aggressive. You called the landlord and told him that I was complaining about your noise. When he told me about this, he said his response to your complaint was, “Quit making so much noise then.” Brilliant. Go Mr. Landlord! I tried keeping him out of this, but you felt it important to drag him into it.

After a few more weeks of you recklessly stomping around, I made another attempt at a civil confrontation. It failed. It failed because you stomped your way to the door, and you didn’t open it when you saw who was standing there. I know this because I heard your hooves clippity-clop their way to the door. Way to avoid confrontation.

To my surprise, the stomping ceased the next day, and I awoke to peace. “Amazing,” I thought, “It must be a midsummer miracle!!” A few days passed, and I ran into my landlord in the entry way. He mentioned that he received another angry phone call from you. Said that you felt threatened by my confrontations, said I scared you. Strange, since not once did I ever raise my voice or try to be anything but civil. He then mentioned that he told you to buy some slippers to wear around your apartment. Genius! It freakin worked!! Hell yea, Mr Landlord! High five!

Fast forward 11 months. The stomping has returned. No doubt in my mind the hooves have worn through the delicate fabrics of the slippers and are now, once again, banging against your hardwood floors.

Please, for the love of sweet baby jesus, run down to the local Target and purchase yourself another pair of hoof mufflers. I know you can run with those strong legs of yours, probably real fast like! Target downtown is all of 10 blocks away. Go Minotaur, go! Overcome the odds, society is watching! (and judging)

0 comments.

One Dead Deer + One Ambulance + One Man= One Wild Ride

Posted on April 16th, 2008 by William.
Categories: You can't make this up..

For the original site, CLICK HERE.

Once in a while, you come across such an interesting news story that you can’t help but hope for a movie to be made. In Jacksonville Florida, a man that was missing from a Florida hospital was found in North Carolina in a stolen ambulance while dressed like a doctor with a six point buck that had been dead a while in the back. Yeah…I had to take a moment or two so that I could soak up that level of weirdness. This is highly odd and far better than most of the stuff coming out of the minds of the screen writers lately. Let’s all hope that this is made into a film, but not a series on Fox.